February 25, 2011

Marriage Nerves

I'm scared.

There are lots of things about marriage that scare me. Nothing else in my life has ever been as permenent as teh decision to get married. The future Mr. and I have talked about how divorce is only an option if abuse someone forces its way into our relationship. So this decision really is forever. No decision that I have ever made before has had this kind of weight. My hair color? I can change that at any time. Where I live? I can move. My job? I can learn to do something else. My car? Let's be real- they die. My friends? Yeah, they'll be around for most of my life but I won't live with them or spend every day with them. So marriage is a huge deal!

I don't want to come across sounding like I don't love my future Mr. because I do, I love him a lot, I love him more then I have ever loved any one else (sorry Mom, but it's a different kind of love!). But marriage scares me.

My future Mr. and I decided that we would not live together before we got married for religious reasons and because of my job, I live in a small town and everyone knows my business. So I live in my apartment here and he lives 100 miles away at his parents house. The entire time we have been dating (just over 3 years) we have only lived in the same town for 3 months! So I'm scared that being together all the time will be bad for us. What if we don't like each other when we see each other every day?

We talk on the phone every night for 30-45 minutes, sometimes an hour. What are we going to talk about when he moves here? That's a lot more then an hour a day! What happens if we run out of stuff to talk about?

What if our schedules don't mesh? I'm not really a morning person, I like to shower at night, I come home from work and I like my quiet time to decompress (working with kids is hard!). What if that doesn't fit with his schedule? What if he does things differently?

What if we have different levels of comfort? What if he likes to keep the house colder then I do? What if he gets mad that my dirty clothes don't always make it to the hamper right away- it sometimes takes a day or 2? What if he needs clean clothes more often then I do (right now I only do laundry when I run out of clean bras because thats what I have the least of!)?

Where are we going to put his stuff? Granted, he doesn't have a ton because he lives at his parents house but he has clothes! My closet is full! And it just has my stuff in it (obviously).

I'm comfortable with my life how it is. I have come to like living by myself. The whole house is mine. I can leave my crafting stuff out for days if I want. I don't have to do the dishes if I don't want to. I don't have to pick up my dirty clothes until I'm ready to do laundry. I can make whatever I want for dinner. I can eat whenever I want. I know what I need at the grocery store, I don't have to confir with someone else.

Like I said, I love my future Mr. A LOT. But I'm scared of all of these things. I suppose I'll just have to really enjoy the next 9 months because they'll be the last 9 months that I ever get to live by myself. Then I have to live with a boy! (What this clip from FRIENDS- so funny! And totally how I feel about having to live with a boy that isn't my daddy!)

Hope you're having a great day!

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