nervous wreak

those two words describe me most of the time. i'm always nervous about something, i hate conforntation and i cry easy. not good.

tomorrow morning at 8 am, we will leave for our mini mission trip. it is the first time that i am taking kids somewhere for an overnight that isn't bible camp. i'm scared out of my mind. i don't feel prepared or adequate to do this. i couldn't fall asleep last night because i kept thinking about things that needed to be done before we left, i kept thinking about what i'm going to do with these kids for the time that we're gone. (we'll be home saturday afternoon, it's not like we're going to be gone for a long time.) one whole day will be spent working with habitat for humanity and the other full day that we're there will be our "fun" day. we're going mini golfing and shopping in a little touristy town. then we'll come home. it's really not a long trip. but i'm so nervous. i'm nervous that i'm forgetting things, i'm nervous that things will go wrong, i'm nervous that kids will get hurt, i'm nervous about what the council president will have to say when we get home, i'm nervous that they won't like the food that i make, i'm nervous that they'll be disrespectful when we're at habitat. why do i worry like this?

and this is normal. sometimes i'm nervous when my dad calls me, i don't know why. i haven't done anything wrong but i'm nervous that he's goign to get mad and yell. which is weird i only remember my dad yelling at me like twice in my life. everytime i look at the calendar in my kitchen i'm nervous that i haven't paid my bills. i know that i have. i remember writing the check but i usually have to double check in my checkbook to make sure that i paid them. i'm nervous that our save the dates didn't get delivered to the right addresses and that people won't get their invitations. i'm nervous that my dress won't fit when it actually gets here (which is redic! i haven't gained or lost hardley any weight since i ordered it). i'm nervous when one of the pastors that i work with wants to talk to me. i'm nervous when i have to go to meetings that i know the church council president will be at.

i have to figure out a way to deal with this or it will ruin my life.