This morning at our weekly staff meeting it was my turn to lead devotions. I usually choose to read from the book "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers (the updated edition). Today's devotion was about God's friendship for us. About the delights and difficulties of a friendship with Him.
As I was reading it yesterday (to prepare), all I could think about was the friendships in my life. And how much work they are. In high school it was easy. Sure, there was drama but I knew that my friends were there for me. We have great memories from high school. Watching Desperate Housewives season one in Tasha's basement. Prom dinners at my house and Brianne's. Tubbing down the river in the summer. Bonfire's and camp out's at Margaret's. Endless summer days on the beach. Football and basketball games. Choir and musicals. A trip to New York City with the choir, another to Atlanta with church. And then we all went off to college. I did not go to college with any of my best friends from high school. There were 6 kids from my graduating class that went to the same college that I did, I knew them but they weren't in my close circle of friends. Just like everyone else, I made new friends. And I love them too. And it was easy to be friends with them. We were all in the same boat. We were all away from home for the first time. We were all without our friends from home. We were all "new" to this college thing. And I have great memories from my time with them at college.
Then we graduated and moved on into the "real" world. And away from each other. Now, my closest college friend is 120 miles away. My closest high school friend is also 120 miles away. My family and my hometown are 100 miles away. I don't really have friends here in my northern town. And for the first time in my life, I don't know how to make friends. I really don't. Up until now, everytime I've had to make friends (after a move in 4th grade and then when I went to college) I was either the new girl so there was interest in me or everyone was in the same boat. Now, up here, there isn't a whole lot of interest in me and there's no one else in the same boat as me.
On top of not knowing how to make friends here the miles between me and the friends I do have puts a strain on our relationships. It's hard to keep being friends when you never see each other. And it's hard to keep being friends when you feel like you're putting more into the relationship than the other person is or that the friendship is more important to you than it is to them. Last week was a hard week for me and friends. I found out about a shower that was held for one of my friends that I didn't even get an invite to, in fact I didn't even know about it, I found out about it on facebook. And another friend bailed on plans that we had... again. She always bails on our plans. I feel bad being sour about this because this time it was for work, but it still hurts. I just want to feel like my friendship is important to someone.
Love, Mrs K