i'm nervous

back in august i told you about a loved one of mine that was having a pretty serious surgery. at the time he didn't want to tell lots of people. he seems to be more ok with it now. so i'm going to share a little of our story with you.

i have written and rewritten this post because i have no idea how to share it with you...

the loved one is my dad. he had/has (not sure if or when it ever switches to past tense) hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, more commonly called HCM. wikipedia has all sorts of great information about it if you're looking for a medical explanation. basically HCM causes the center wall of your heart to grow to be too thick. when you hear of highschool athlets that have heart attcks during games or races, they typically have this as well.

in my dad's case the center wall grew into the right side of his heart. so every time his heart pumped blood it pumped less than it should. in turn, making the heart work harder.
here's an idea of what it looked like:

source- more good info about hcm

i think it kinda looks like fat but the tan-ish color is representing the muscle that it too large.

before the surgery my dad could not walk & talk at the same time, he could not walk a block without stopping to catch is breath & rest.

dad had open heart surgery to correct this. what they do is go in and shave away at the heart muscle to take the extra out. the doctor took out about as much muscle as the size of my thumb. crazy to think about when your heart is only as big as your fist.

dad is recovering well. he's back to work, he can walk a mile and a half without stopping. things are good. he's still sore sometimes and it still hurts to cough, but life is good.

but, hcm is genetic. all of my dad's sibling have been tested and my sister has been tested, none of them have it. i'm getting tested today. that's why i'm nervous. no one has ever told me this but, in my mind, if i have hcm any plans for a baby are out the window until we figure it out. i mean, if my heart has to work extra hard just to support me, how would it support me and a baby? like i said, i'm not a medical professional and no one has told me that hcm will hinder my baby dreams- that's just my mind working over time.

so, my appointment is at 10:30 this morning (cst), wish me luck. i'll be back with an update later.

love, mrs. k